A/N at last I wrote some angsty stuff again~~ seems like it’s a long time after my last angst fic. so please enjoy this one, arasseo? thankyou and happy reading (?)!
and you better listen to SNSD’s Mistake when you’re reading this fic. it’s (actually) a songfict, but i don’t think i made it as one (?-_-)
Seohyun stared at a pair of couple mug she just bought a day ago. At first, she wanted to give it to Yonghwa on their monthly anniversary this month –that was only some days more.
But now, she was unsure
’cause she suddenly felt that their anniversary is useless. The couple mug she’d prepared before is useless. Even their relationship itself is useless.
It’s just like a formality — without any mutual feeling as the base. The pressures from the WGM staffs and their fans worked all over it, and ta-da, there they were, as an official couple — even though actually she wants it, deep inside her mind
But now, she felt like their relationship is one-sided. It’s only her who wanted to do it, and the only one who works hard to keep their relationship alive was her.
She do loves him, she knows, but she’s unsure whether he loves her the way she does or not
Or maybe he never loved her before
She still managed to get over it and keep her feeling. But as the time goes by, her trust for him is also getting weary, old, and little by little is being erased permanently from her mind.
And what could she do?
Blame him for it? She feels that it’s her mistake to not make him loves her as much as she does. Also it’s unfair to blame someone for an undescribeable reason, right?
Stop all of this and start a new life — without him?
She doesn’t want to –at first
She breathes him, said her, long time ago when her eonnies asked her to stop. She also gave them those cliché reasons
But again, as the time walks, she thought about it and now she knows that they’re right
Is this already the time to stop?
She grabbed her phone from her table-top and called him right at the moment.
“Oppa, let’s meet up now. We need to talk”
And now here she was, with Yonghwa right in front of him and two cups of hot chocolate on the table between them.
She stared at him, trying to find the right time to tell him the truth, and she found it.
“Do you feel like… we’re wasting our time?” said her.
“Why?” asked him back.
“We’re having a relationship without any mutual feelings, right?” she sipped her hot chocolate and stared at his face, waiting for the reaction.
But he only smiled a bit. Looks like he’s waiting for her words.
“Now be honest to me. Do you love me?” she looked straight to his eyes. “I mean, as from a boy to a girl?”
He sighed and looked at her with an apologizing stare. Suddenly she felt that something –that sounds bad– will come out from him
“Actually… I only consider you as my little sister. Sorry for not telling you from…”
“You don’t have to say sorry, it’s all my fault. I’m the one who forced you, and I’m the only one who’s responsible to be blamed,” she tried to act like she’s okay but she felt a stinging pain on her heart. “So… let’s stop?”
A minute of silence passed with an awkwardness between them
“Seohyunnie — I mean, Seohyun-ssi, I’m really sorry,” he sighed
To hear the way he called her name was already enough for her to know that they’ve finished — and she felt sad about it, like something is breaking in her body.
But she ignored it and took out a small box from her bag. She gave it to him with a faint smile on her face and teary eyes.
It will be better if this thing is kept by him, she thought
“At first I wanted to give it to you on our monthly anniversary this month… but since we couldn’t do it, just keep this thing with you instead,”
He didn’t say anything but just pull her up for a hug — their last hug as a not-so-couple
And she realized that her first love story had reached its end from that moment. The heartbreaking scene she never expected before had come, and she couldn’t do anything except holding back her tears, tried not to shed it in front of him.
As the painful seconds walked and they separated –after he sent her home and said goodbye, with one more apologize– the dam broke down and the innings flown away, along with the steps that took her to the dorm’s front door