image taken from exofanbase’s tweet.
Lu Han, Sehun, slight slight slight appearance of Baekhyun (EXO); angst; G; 762 words
note: so i was just. randomly scrolling down my timeline when this image popped out of nowhere (not really), and the words somehow made my hands itch to write this crap out. crappy grammar (english isn’t my mother tongue to be exact) and even crappier plot.
things had never been this bad for lu han.
longing gazes. palpitating hands. shiver-inducing touches. lu han knows that those things are enough to indicate that someone’s in love, and thus said person should be happy or treasure their feeling–but lu han can’t do so when the very same symptoms struck him in a big, great wave.
can he be thankful, anyway? can he be happy if he can’t simply reach over to grab said person, that he can’t frankly tell them his feeling without feeling afraid of being considered as a freak, or if said person will leave him, and his feeling, and what they had done before–their friendship, their shared laughter, their friendly-dates, the way said person lets lu han sees how their eyes crinkle when they smile–, not even bothering to turn back? what if–what if it turns him to be a disgusting person to them?
when baekhyun eventually caught his hollow gaze, he immediately asks, “hyung, are you okay?”
“m’ okay, baek,” he answers, but baekhyun doesn’t buy it, however. so he nags again, “but hyung, you’re acting pretty strange lately. you know, with those expressionless face and more expression-deprived eyes. and you don’t even finish your foods–kyungsoo had been complaining about that to me wherever we’re practicing, saying that it might be his or jongdae’s fault for not making delicious-enough dishes, but his dishes has always been good, no–”
lu han lets baekhyun continue his rambles, not even sparing a glance at the shorter boy. baekhyun can speak until god-knows-how many hours and lu han doesn’t have the patience to listen nor the guts to stop him–he can’t when he knows exactly that baekhyun will frown and makes him feel uneasy for days. maybe keeping his mouth shut will tire baekhyun at some point, making him stop by himself.
“–so that might explain why you look so pale nowadays, but i can’t understand why you keep zoning out–wait. gosh, are you–are you probably…” baekhyun gasps, “hyung, are you in love?”
lu han doesn’t answer, but his expression falters even more. baekhyun shrieks, “how can you not telling me? who is that person, is she a member of an idol group or–”
“shut the fuck up,” lu han snaps. “shut up, byun baekhyun.”
the death threat beneath lu han’s voice successfully forces baekhyun’s voice back into his throat and he nods, hands clamping his mouth in order to not let them fall open into a gawk. lu han scoffs, fingers ruffling brown strands atop his head, “i don’t even know, baek. i don’t know what should i do about this thing. the pain, the seething wound, the aching heart. that feeling when you can’t stand it anymore and you just want to give up. it’s upsetting. i’m worn out. exhausted. but since i can’t do anything to solve it–”
“just confess, then.”
and lu han’s ramble stops dead on his track. “what?”
“confess, hyung. have you confessed before? i bet you have. don’t ask me how–i know you know about it.” the younger boy snickers, leaving lu han flabbergasted. “but–but it’s impossible! you won’t understand–”
“just tell her–it’ll be better for you. even if she–she doesn’t reciprocate your feeling, at least you’re not holding it in.” baekhyun stares at him, playfulness suddenly gone, replaced by sincerity clear beneath his eyes, “being frank about what you feel is the least thing you can do to ease out your burden. it won’t be that bad, i think? ’cause who could turn down our resident deer of the dawn?” he adds cheekily with a wink. lu han lets out a strangled chuckle–the dead knot on his throat tightens even more.
“thanks, baek. you’re the best.” he says, words bitter on his tongue as his hand moves to pat baekhyun’s back. baekhyun mock-salutes before he strode out of the room, leaving lu han and his rapidly coming back negative feelings.
baekhyun’s right, but he’s also wrong in many different levels.
he heaves a sigh for the umpteenth time because of that one particular person–it will be way more simple if he falls like how men normally fall.
it will be better if he didn’t fall for him.
why does it have to be him out of millions of people in this world?
lu han lets the question linger for a while in his mind before letting it go, watching the words diffuse into the thin air, like how he hopes the pain and wounds on his heart will, in some way, heal.